Tuesday, April 14, 2009

The Afterlife

If there's a heaven - and unfortunately I'm pretty sure there's not - this is what it would be like:
Heaven would be a bed, a king-sized bed with crispy, cotton sheets; plump, squishy pillows and a light-as-air doona. And everyone would be wearing stretchy velvet hoodies and big satin shorts. And there would be a never-ending supply of piping-hot milky sugary tea served in satisfyingly large chunky mugs. And there would be buns. So many yeasty, spicy hot cross buns slathered with butter. And I would be right in the middle of reading a book I couldn't put down. And there most absolutely would not be a frigging annoying Weimaraner with abandonment issues next door barking his guts out. 


  1. Or perhaps it would be an awesome party filled with all your favourite people, where the dj keeps dropping one beloved booty hip hop track after another, and everyone is bumping and grinding like the pussycat dolls, only with big dorky grins. And hotpants. There would be chilled water for all and endless tequila. And no hangovers.

    By the side of the party there would be a calm oasis with a swimming pool where people would go to cool off, and eat feshly cooked hot chips with a selection of sauces (like in Amsterdam).

    There would be no techno, dance, trance or electro or anything other than old school booty hip hop. And absolutely everyone would be having a brilliantly fun time, simply shaking their booty.

  2. Your is the heaven of the night before, and mine is the heaven of the night after! I would change nothing of your heaven, except that the oasis pool would have to be filled with raspberry jelly...

  3. Actually, I'm pretty sure you'll find that heaven is a half-pipe.

  4. Perhaps the best heaven is my heaven one day, and your heaven the next, endlessly alternating for all time.

    Andrew, I'm sorry but your heaven is not invited.